Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tales from the Porn Store

I have been jotting down random memories, and here are a choice couple from when I worked at the porn store.

It was Halloween, and I was dressed as a zombie attack victim a la "Night of the Living Dead." I had a skirt I had ripped, torn hose, shirt with one sleeve ripped off, my collar torn like I had gotten away from a grasping hand, disheveled hair, bloody nose, scratches, black eye, I looked amazing. The night progressed with me starting out by scaring the bejesus out of my manager; the other girls had me lay down in the floor in the novelty room, and told her as she came in to the store to look at what someone did to the Jenna display, and she ran back there and saw me laying there all bloody, and screamed her head off. It was beautiful.
Later that night, a man came in, and he asked my opinion on a couple of S/M magazines, asked me to escort him around the store and tell him about the merchandise, and what toys sold best. He bought everything I recommended. At the register as I was taking his money, he said, "I like your shirt...the way it's torn, it gives...a great view of your rack. You have wonderful tits, I mean, look at 'em!" I was speechless for a second, then went with being polite, and said, "Thank you," smiling all the while I handed him his change. He then said, "I own a motorcycle shop here in town, here's my card. You come by if you ever need anything, and it'll be 15% off, 'cause of your tits." He left with his payload of erotic merchandise, disappearing into the night.

Another night, a customer came in, and he was acting really, truly weird. He brought up a magazine and a movie, then said he wanted some lube. I pointed him towards the samples, and he picked one out. As I was ringing him up, he asked, " Do you know what time it is?"
"Yes, it's 9:32."
"No...It's masturbation time!"

It took everything within me not to laugh in his face. I rang him out, he left, and I collapsed on the counter, laughing my ass off. Now, when anyone asks me what time it is, I have to keep myself from screaming, "IT'S MASTURBATION TIME!!!"

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