Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tonight's tale from the Porn Store

I was, and still am, an excellent salesperson. What I pitch, I do my best to understand and if possible, have some experience with so that I can provide my customers with as much product knowledge as I can, and give recommendations that fit my customer's needs.

However, it is possible to be too good.

One fine day, I was rocking out, selling videos and magazines and toys by the handful, when a younger gentleman comes in. He is flustered and embarrassed, and didn't want to show his ID to get into the wonderland. I convinced him it was alright, we just needed to verify age, we don't take names. He gave in, and I invited him through the pearly gate. He stared agog at the walls covered in merchandise, and came back over to the counter. He told me he was completely embarrassed to have to ask, but he needed some help with something. Long story short, he was having some problems with "equipment failure," and wanted to know what a cock ring was, what it did, and how you'd use one.

If you don't know what a cock ring is, I'll wait while you look it up.

Done? The internet is a wonderful thing, huh?

Well, I explained the mechanics of them, and took him over to the "man wall" as I called it, and showed him some varieties that were good for beginners. He selected a couple, and wanted to check them out. I took them out of the packaging, and showed him the various ways of placement on a lifelike dildo. I told you, I was good. Hey, I worked on commission, I had to do something to boost sales!

He decided on a leather model with snaps (for quick release), and paid. I even gave him a discount card for the next time he came in. The entire time he had been in the store, he had been polite and charming, almost shy. This all changed the moment he hit the door to the outside world.

He turned around, and gave me this...grin. I'm sure in his head it made him look like James Bond, but in reality it made him look like his IQ had dropped 30 points all at once. He Crip-walked back over to the counter, and gave me The Lean. He said, "You're totally cute. What time do you get off?"

I had to stifle a laugh, and was as polite as I could be as I turned him down and shooed him away. When he got outside, though, I collapsed. Fellows, if you buy something for E.D., don't hit on the gal who sold it to you, ok? Even if she is totally cute.

No comments: